Tag: Queen Talk

Breaking Out My Shell

Last week was the New Moon In Leo and I’ve never felt more like myself than I do here and now. Breaking out of my shell meant going through a deep tumultuous awakening in which I’ve talked about in this Awakening series since April now. It’s time, now more than ever, for me to step into the spotlight without fear. I’ve entered the third decade of my life with grace and poise. Now it’s time to really show my ass.

I’ve been trapped in a world of all the things that I couldn’t do for so long, I am a little nervous about what I am open to doing now that I can. I no longer conform to the heteronormativity of monogamy that has held me captive from my own passions and desires. I don’t subscribe to a religion where my deities love for me limits me from life. I am no longer drawn to relationships and friendships that drain me rather than reciprocating the love they receive. Breaking out of my shell has truly been about finally being okay with being perceived, correctly or incorrectly.

In life, the hardest thing to overcome is the fear of perception. We choose certain jobs because they look good to the world, not because that’s what we REALLY want to do. We stay in relationships that are superficial and unfulfilling because society teaches us it’s better to be with someone than to be alone. We dress and groom ourselves based on what society deems is fashionable and if you aren’t aligned with it, you’re deemed unfashionable publicly. Those who are able to break free of these stigmas and thought patterns are the ones who are able to reach for everything they dream of and achieve it. It’s because they can dance without fear of being seen, write without fear of what to say, and sing without fear of being heard.

How can we truly achieve our dreams if the ones we actually have are suppressed out of fear, rejection, and/or doubt? Personally writing, in many different forms, has always been a major part of my innate design. It’s been a guaranteed facet of my life that probably would’ve enhanced my life earlier had I felt the freedom to explore it more wholly sooner.

A great example of this right now is Beyonce. She recently (last night 7/26/2025) completed her Cowboy Carter Tour, the second installment of her 3 act album tour for Renaissance. Although to many of us, it seems as though Beyonce has always carried the confidence that we see her rock on stage, this era showed us a different perspective. Her country album was, in her own words via Instagram, “born out of an experience that I had years ago where I did not feel welcomed.” In 2016, Beyonce was invited to the Country Music Awards to perform her first country crossover track “Daddy Lessons” from her 2016 album Lemonade. Beyonce took that uncomfortable moment where she was made to feel unwelcome in a place where she and others knew she belonged and turned that ill will into her first AOTY Grammy win for Cowboy Carter.

As it applies to my own life, and maybe to yours too, the lesson here is that in order to be your most authentic self, its important to understand and be okay with knowing that someone else’s perception of you doesn’t make you who you are. We make ourselves who we are… and if we spent our whole life living for what others deemed appropriate, we’d never truly be happy. So in this next era of my own, after breaking out my shell, that’s my ultimate destination… Authentically Happy.

Ebony Queen

References

Beyoncé on Instagram: “act II cowboy Carter 3.29 today marks the 10-day countdown until the release of act II. (n.d.). Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/p/C4s6Zr7rlwA/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Beyoncé brings out destiny’s child for surprise reunion during final cowboy Carter show in Las Vegas. (2025, July 27). People.com. https://people.com/destinys-child-reunites-beyonce-final-show-las-vegas-11779800

Nytimes.com. (2016, November 4). The New York Times – Breaking News, US News, World News and Videos. https://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/04/arts/music/beyonce-cma-awards-backlash.html

Tags beyonce, Black, cowboy-carter, Ebony Queen, entertainment, Media Agency, music, news, Queen Talk, Queendom Ent, Queendom Entertainment, Tampa

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Awakening Ebony

I’ve spent a lot of time staring at blankness. Blank pages in all the journals and notebooks with fancy covers that I’ve accumulated over the years… waiting for the words that align with the ones flying around in my mind to magically appear on the pages. Blank pages on computer screens… waiting for every story that lingers in my creative pockets to find its way out on its own. I’ve held back from so much in life… writing included. This year, I entered a phase of my life where I am refusing to keep holding back. I have to let go of all of my expectations and fears, and just live… Life is passing me by regardless of if I am nestled away comfortably in my shell or outside being the person I’m destined to be.

A lot has happened in the last few years. For the first time since 2013, I live alone. No roommates, no family, no man… just me and baby girl, day in and day out. For years, I carried around a deep anxiety that would sit in the pit of my stomach. It never seemed to go away entirely. If it wasn’t bellowing deep in my belly during a stressful situation, it was lingering behind when I was trying my absolute best to not feel it. I learned to suppress it as best I could, chalking it up to a social anxiety that I would just have to get used to carrying. Shockingly… as I grew into my new home, adding personal touches to make it my own, that pit began to melt away….

I found myself delving into passions that I had once forsaken for double employment, relationships, vices, and unresolved emotions. As I re-explored myself and my passions I was able to pinpoint things about myself that previously I wouldn’t have had the capacity to pay attention to. I was too busy being the listener for the talker, the do-er for the needy, and the friend that always put everyone else’s needs over her own. I lessened my light to make it easier for others to feel loved, heard, and comfortable around me. I never really got that in return… Now that I was living alone though, I could do anything and everything I ever wanted, without the weight of catering to another adult human being. I was discovering myself…

I’ve always know who I am, in a sense. But I never had the freedom to be my truest self without insecurity, judgement, or reservation. I kept myself from being the full extent of who I am deep down. I refrained from saying what I was really thinking. I’ve refused to go to places that I should’ve went. I am not doing that anymore.

In order to release and live, I needed to face myself. Throughout my years, I unknowingly carried traumas I didn’t even recognize. The largest being indoctrination. I believe everyone should have the freedom to express their love for God how they see fit. However, our society has brought us up to believe that everyone’s beliefs except their own are wrong. Without naming the organization (cause I’m just not ready for that yet), I too was the victim of a religion that enveloped me as a youth and warped my perspective of the world. Not to say that it was a bad religion or that it was evil. It just wasn’t what I believed in. I didn’t feel my connection to God through that type of congregation. But growing up in the midst of it, you learn that speaking up against it could get you in trouble you may not be ready for.

How did that indoctrination affect me in my youth? It kept me from self-love and self-pleasure. It shielded me from the real woes of life as a means of protection, which ultimately, just left me lost in the world. I knew the word of God and stories of the Bible, but that’s not the world I was met with. I couldn’t maneuver life healthily because I was taught that you had to remain perfect even though the world was doomed from the start. This crippled my emotions, my dreams, and my connection with the divine. Why was life even worth living if suffering, imminent danger, and death was the only thing guaranteed?

It took a lot of time, self-reassurance, and exploration to finally let go of the heaviness of doom that I carried around for most of my youth. It wasn’t until I had a seizure at 29 that I finally woke up to the fact that life was passing me by and I wasn’t happy. Immediately, I knew that I had to make changes and the first act of my newfound confidence was moving into my own place again (https://youtu.be/pWLY2Flg0wo?si=JRxyHfNnYGLZpDqQ).

I thank my home for giving me the space to breathe, create, wail, adjust, and live freely...

I am still on the journey of Awakening Ebony… and I am finally at a point where I feel I can share my journey with the world. I am finally ready to show the world who I am, without fear of retribution. Asè.

To be continued…

I dedicate this series of personal newsletters “Awakening Ebony” to my daughter, Araya. You are my reason to love and legacy in life. May you find all the tidbits in the world that I left to guide you as useful. Remember that whether in physical or in spirit.. I am forever beside you.

Tags Author, Awakening Ebony, Black, Book, Column, Ebony Queen, healing, life, love, Media, Media Agency, mental-health, Personal Newsletter, Queen Talk, Queendom Ent, Queendom Entertainment, Tampa, Writing

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Book Review

“The Black Girl Survives In This One” x Evans & Fennell

Better late than never!

I know it has been some time since I promised this book review. As I mentioned in my previous post, Rollercoaster October 🎃 , this Fall/Winter was tumultuous with high highs, low lows, and rarely any break in between. I got myself together though !

“The Black Girl Survives In This One” is a riveting collection of eery stories centered around black women. Its pages ooze illustrious details of various topics such as sci-fi, spirituality, and fantasy. Each stories landscape boasts luxurious features that make the read a journey of the mind. Read and listen to the audiobook for a heightened experience.

Every story, despite being written by different authors, permeates the black experience throughout. From familial bonds and interactions, to friendships and their relational quirks… the authors’ of each story in this collection capture the essence of blackness in a way that makes the scary, page turning experience seem all too REAL. I most enjoyed the balancing of friendship within the stories, as most of them sparked inquiry into my own personal defense mechanisms, loyalty of relationships, and imagery limits.

I would recommend this book to anyone who wants to be taken on an adventure with the reassurance that the main character survives in the end. Although that reassurance provides a safe net, the stories are still both intriguing and frightening. It is collection of fearful fantasies, well stringed together, for maximum terror. Maybe, a movie?

Ebony Queen

Tags Atlanta, Black, Book, Book Review, Ebony Queen, Media Agency, Queen Talk, Queendom Ent, Queendom Entertainment, Tampa, The Black Girl Survives In This One

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Rollercoaster October 🎃

Queendom,

We’re almost halfway through November and I owe you all an explanation. At the beginning of October, I had a good momentum going and promised a few things that I was not able to release according to plan. I’m not one for excuses so I’ll cut straight to the point… Hurricane Milton blew my ass away. If you follow me on social media, you likely already know that my home was in an evacuation zone and I was forced to evacuate. Thank god I did because upon my return, I was met with extensive damage. While in the process of releasing and restoring what was lost, I also celebrated another Solar Return. Before I knew it, it was November!

The evacuation, my birthday, daylight savings time, and the election took all my time and energy. Today is November 13th, 2024 and I am just now feeling like I am somewhat catching up. I still have a lot to do, thus, why I felt it was necessary to come here. I owe you all a book review, a new song, and Queendom Articles’ first article. I appreciate your understanding and continued support during this time.

With that said, I also want to announce that I will likely being deleting my account on X/Twitter. Unfortunately, recent enlightenments have revealed that X will soon begin to train its AI using information gathered through its platform users. As a creative, this is dangerous to my livelihood and life. Over the years, after deleting a previous account, I have gathered a following and curated a timeline that was full of information that I felt was necessary to share with my platform. I will remain diligent with sharing important news stories on topics that are important to know the facts on and highlighting qualified experts that can source those facts.

Most of my updates will be released via this site now, which ironically, was a transition I was wanting to make anyway. Must be that collective consciousness!

Please enter your email below to get the latest news, first from Queendom Entertainment.

If you wish to keep up with us, on other platforms (which could soon be impacted as well), please see the following links;

Medium: https://medium.com/@QueendomEntertainment

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Tags Black, Blog, Ebony Queen, Media Agency, Queen Talk, Queendom Ent, Queendom Entertainment

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Celibacy Streak

On February 14th, 2023, I stopped having sex. Cold turkey. It wasn’t planned, it was triggered. My trust was betrayed and from that day on, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It didn’t matter the man or the circumstances, I just wasn’t interested. Now, it is July 7th, 2024 and I just recently broke my celibacy streak.

As a Scorpio, sexuality oozes through us naturally. It is almost always assumed that we are overtly sexual and lustful beings. In actuality though, yeah, we kinda are… but only if we are enthralled with someone who we trust entirely. I’m talking years of pulling back layers to uncover the sexual prowess that is so frequently assumed of Scorpios. Unless… the scorpio is un-evolved.

Once upon a time, I was sacred with sex, but not enough. I fell in love with emotionally unavailable men and often found myself in relationships where I gave more than I received. As I age and reflect on my love life, I realized I was disrespectful to myself back then. I didn’t love me enough to wait… to be loved correctly. Why was that?

This betrayal jarred me to reality. As much as I love sex and all things pertaining to it, I knew was worthy of better. I am worthy of receiving the kind of love I give. & No matter how much of myself I gave, it wasn’t enough…so I stopped.

In the beginning, it was hard. There is no feeling quite like the feeling of the tip of a hard dick splitting your walls apart on the first stroke. But I had to commit to loving myself, before I could love the way someone else could make me “feel”. Things were dry at the start.

I didn’t twerk for my health. I couldn’t be naked for long. I didn’t feel wanted or I did feel wanted, but only in that way. I was just going about my days seeking pleasure in other things like food and outings. & for a while, I had forgotten about sex. During that time, I re-found my love for many things outside of sex again.

Eventually though, I began to feel lust building in my body. It started subtly. I could feel my pussy get a little wet with the forbidden glimpse of a jumping dick in public. I’d catch myself getting lost in a daze of hot ex sex flashbacks. Until, one day, I couldn’t resist. I let myself touch me again.

I made love to myself incessantly. Like I had just discovered myself for the first time in life, all over again. I explored the depths of my solo desires alone for months. I researched all the kinks and freak shit my little heart could take. & soon, I emerged a new woman.

One day, I woke up feeling like I knew myself in ways I had never known before. It wasn’t just because of the bean-flicking either. The combination of abstaining completely, even from solo play, to a period of only sexual self exploration introduced me to a version of me I had never been before. A woman that loves herself first.

I emerged more confident, self-aware, and strong. I was no longer influenced by desire and empty advances. I allowed myself to be sexy and sexual without that having to involve anyone else at all. I began adorning myself and doing my make-up again, a practice that had taken a backseat to my relationships many years ago. I started caring about what I wore in public again and began taking more detailed pride in the way I cared for myself.

Once all these stages were complete, I had come to conclusion that not only did this hiatus do me well. It opened my eyes to the reality of sex. That while it is enjoyable and desirable, it is not meant to under indulged or overindulged. Sex is a human entity and facet of life. It is meant to be explored and enjoyed. It is meant to be what each person makes of it and should leave those participating feeling loved, empowered, sexy, and safe.

Ultimately, pondering on this notion is what prompted me to rediscover penetration. This time, as a WOMAN. I went into sexuality without shame or pressure. The power and the plays are in my hands, I determine who I climb on and when I will indulge myself in dick. This time, it won’t be about trying to fulfill societal roles or pleasing a man. It’ll be me getting dicked down because I want it, I deserve it, and because I can.

Ebony Queen

Tags Abstinence, Black, Blog, Blogger, Celibacy, Ebony Queen, love, Media Agency, Personal, Queen Talk, Queendom Entertainment, relationships, Sex, Sexuality

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Halfway through 30 ⏳

As I approach the halfway point of my 30th year and reflect on my youth, I finally realize what that shift that no one tells you about is.

It’s accountability, perspective, and composure. Turning 30 is a jarring wake up call that if you aren’t already on the track that you want to be on in life , you’re behind and/or you’re settling for less.

You’re forced to take a long hard look at yourself, your relationships/friendships, and previous mistakes. You accept accountability for where you are in life and forgive yourself for the consequences you are facing for your choices as a youth.

Once you accept accountability your perspective changes. You realize that you can’t live everyday on a whim and if you want what you dream of, you really have to work for it. You find yourself doing what you want more than feeling forced to people please. You spend less time trying to escape reality and more time creating a better one.

As you get more comfortable with life and growth, your composure changes. It’s easier to control your emotions about things that would previously ruin your whole day. You no longer want to waste a minute of your life on anything or anyone that doesn’t align with the life you envision. You find the beauty in life and the joy of living it.

Although this shift can happen before 30 (or for some never 🤣), it cements itself once you hit that 30 year milestone. 30 is the beginning of the rest of your life. 30 is the crossroad at which you have to decide if your going to make the same mistakes, let go of your dreams, and fall into oblivion forever OR if you’re going to have faith, do the work, and create the life of your dreams.

💭

Tags Black, Blog, Blogger, Ebony Queen, life, Marketing Agency, Media Agency, Queen Talk, Queendom Entertainment, Reflection

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Finding Ebony Queen 👑

Finding yourself is like the human version of the metamorphosis of a butterfly, the shedding of a snake, and the molting of a stick insect. It hurts and it takes a long time to become the best version of yourself but when it’s all said and done, it’s exactly what you were meant to do. When you’re young, you believe you are who you are and there is nothing else you could grow into. You like what you like, and you don’t like what you don’t… but as time goes on eventually you realize, time does change you.

It took me a long time to find the right avenue for my voice. With such a creative spirit inward, I feared exposing that part of myself to the world. I didn’t want to be judged by those who were committed to misunderstanding me. I didn’t want anyone attaching their own doubts and fears onto my dreams and art. I didn’t want to adhere to the standards of the industries I was trying to bud in. Now, at 30, I’m grateful for my youthful self. I was guarded and rightfully so, but now, I’m entering a new era of Ebony. It took 28 years, but I no longer fear the things I once did. I am Ebony. I am secure in who I am and know exactly where I’m going in life. If I want to fulfill the God-given purpose of my life, I must speak. I must free myself from the shackles of fear and allow GOD to put me in the positions I was meant for.

I think my fear stemmed from insecurity. My youth felt like a black abyss of endless dread. Now don’t get me wrong, I had a great childhood. My mother worked tirelessly to ensure my siblings and I had everything we could ever need. The abyss I’m referring to was in my head. I’ve always had this impending doom feeling in the back of my mind. Like, “why would it matter if I tried to pursue my dreams? We’re all going to die in the rapture soon anyway!”. Or, thinking to myself “I want to try out for the dance team in high school but maybe I am too fat and would make a fool out of myself”. As I grew older, I began to understand that this was rooted in my fears of failure. Instead of trying something new, I’d sabotage myself by talking myself down and making myself feel unworthy of big achievements. I missed out on a lot of opportunities and life that way. I don’t want to do that anymore.

Thus, why it was so important to address it here and now. As I continue to blossom into the powerhouse woman that I aspire to be, the flood gates of creativity have opened. I’m not surprised though; my success seems to be connected to how much I am willing to let my inhibitions go. As I grow, I have felt the desire to share my most personal art strengthen with the hope of connecting to the audience that relates to me. Those who are full of talent but sit quietly in the back waiting for something to ask for us to show it off. Those who want their art to be so painstakingly perfect that they become paralyzed with perfectionism and don’t ever begin. This is for us.

We have the right to take up space. We were born to express ourselves and create art that will beautify our lives and the world. With that said, as I embark on this journey of freeing myself from the shackles and sharing more of my world, I can only pray that I touch someone out there. I pray that I inspire them to chase their dreams sooner, let go of their self-doubts, and let life take its course. Our stories were written long before we touched Earth, we just have to read the book of our own life every day with faith and without fear to achieve true happiness.

Signed,

Ebony Queen 👑