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First Quarter 🌱

📿🥂✨

Q1 is not about rushing — it’s about alignment. January 1st through March 31st is the window to move with clarity, discipline, and intention. No noise, no proving – just focused action and quiet momentum. What we plant now will speak for itself later. 🌱

#QueendomEntertainment #Q1 #Business

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The Consort

It was his smile that struck me. I had been following him on social media for quite some time. His calm, grown, & sexy demeanor on his posts and in his stories was mesmerizing. He didn’t seem to have any red flags on his page, which should’ve been one to begin with, but naively… I fell. 

Knowing that we were both Scorpios created this insatiable tension within me. I knew that we could never truly be together but I was curious at how passionate a friendship between us could be. We were, by nature, both irresistibly magnetic, innately loyal, and passionately sexual. In my mind, this was the kinda connection I needed to revive myself from years of celibacy. A connection that wouldn’t end up being a long draining relationship full of drama and strain. 

I envisioned it modeling after a romance from years before where we never needed words to communicate with each other. We only ever let our bodies do the talking. He’d call for me or I’d call for him and we’d show up for the other every time. No games, no dates, no deep intellectual conversations… we’d just fuck each other tirelessly. We never complicated things by questioning if we were meant for more with each other. It was just pure, unfiltered, passionate fucking and deep down I wanted that again. 

The consort had that kind of mystery about him. He seemed like a man that could fuck me the way I needed it and keep it under wraps. So I pursued him. It started with a simple joke with sexual innuendo. It peaked his interest when I showed him that side of me because I was a real stranger to him. Something I should’ve foreseen being a problem in the future, given the state of the world & relationships today lacking authenticity. But he bit, and soon he’d find that my sweetness was genuine. I showered him with gifts, uplifted him with words of affirmation, and even flexed my femininity to him by performing submission rituals for him. A dangerous game I was playing, doing all that for a man that didn’t know me from a can of paint and wasn’t connected to me or my life in any real way. I was a mystery to him and although it intrigued him, it also is what drove him away in the end.

After a couple of missed opportunities, the night had finally come where our bodies would meet. It was a hot August night and the air was thick with tension and passion. I drove to him which offered a sense of protection for me and a sense of control for him. We both were nervous about what this would finally look like now that we were meeting in real life. I brought everything I could to take the edge off us both… liquor and smoke. We didn’t end up needing either though. 

In his kitchen, I stood still for moment… shy. I looked over at him, dick out and erect, nervous… wondering if I had gotten myself into something that I wasn’t ready for after years of being emotionally regulated by isolation. “Don’t act shy now” his voice thundered, cracking the silence that was consuming me internally. As a divine feminine, donning my beads and with full authority over my sexuality, I bent to his will. His command and sternness threw me into a tizzy. I couldn’t hold back sexually from him the way I had originally planned. I didn’t intend to open myself up to him as deeply as I did on night one but it was like cosmically, it was meant for him to bring that side of me back into the light.

Finish reading at:

https://open.substack.com/pub/scorpiana/p/the-consort?r=2b4j0u&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

https://scorpiana.substack.com

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ICYMI: Womanhood




Stepping into my womanhood fully and authentically has made me absolutely feral. Despite still being mostly sexually inactive, my fantasies still run amuck in my brain nearly every minute of every day. I can be in the middle of my work day and suddenly, my pussy will throb… sending me spiraling. Or in the middle of a homework assignment, I’ll have a flashback of me taking dick that sends a chill up my spine and distracts me from my tasks. I’ve felt these urges immensely before, but, women hardly ever talk about it how they takeover your fucking life when your biological clock starts ticking…

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Free Congo

Ebony M 

Collegiate Research Paper  

International Business 

09/30/2025 

The #FreeCongo Movement 

Central Problem: The Ethical Dilemma  

In the Democratic Republic of Congo, there is an ethical dilemma that has been going on for decades. “The conflict, which has persisted in the east of the DRC for almost 30 years, and is the deadliest since the Second World War, is mainly economic,” explains Nobel Laureate Dr. Denis Mukwege. Since 1996, more than 10 million people have been killed, with countless more being displaced, raped, or forcibly recruited (even as children) into armed groups. “The link between exploitation and the illegal trade in minerals is recognized as a root cause.” (Resilience, 2024) Although the #FreeCongo movement is not specific to one singular dilemma or event, the trademark is most widely known to be used in reference to the ethical crisis of extracting cobalt and minerals.  

Colbalt is a shiny-gray mineral that is a critical component for the creation of lithium-ion batteries used in smartphones, laptops, electric vehicles, and other portable devices. The ethical issue with the extraction of this mineral in the Democratic Republic of Kongo is in the legality of how it is obtained. Colbalt is mined out of the Earth through traditional methods like underground and/or open-pit mining. This mining poses risks to both the local environment and to human labor rights. Because of the DRC’s lax laws on labor, its citizens are subjected to hazardous working/living conditions, forced labor, illness/injury, and a plethora of other unfavorable conditions. However, the most harrowing of all being forced child labor.  

The global demand for Colbalt raises an ethical dilemma for corporations who utilize it for their business, corporate social responsibility or profit driven exploitation. Unfortunately, it is the latter that usually wins in a capitalistic society. Thus, birthing the #FreeCongo movement whose overall initiative is to; “provide food and community media skills in camps for Internally Displaced People in conflict zones, deliver cutting-edge reporting from the frontlines of the conflict in the east of the DRC, increase awareness of land rights to defend against land grabs, rescue children from the cobalt mines and support diggers and miners demanding accountability, organize forest protectors across the Congo Basin rainforest facing intense challenges from extractive industries, advocate for Indigenous and local knowledge to be respected, respond to emergencies from the climate crisis, advocate for democratic governance and community solutions, and combat sexual violence/provide care for women’s health.” (“Congo Campaigns #FreeTheCongo,” n.d.) 

With the Congo housing nearly 70% of the world’s Colbalt supply, it has also created a global reliance on the DRC and its minerals. International corporations are buying up local land, forcing displacement, increasing the child mortality rate, and contributing directly to poverty cycles all in the name of corporate profits. This directly ties into another international business topic, known as The Stakeholder Theory. “Stakeholder Theory is a view of capitalism that stresses the interconnected relationships between a business and its customers, suppliers, employees, investors, communities and others who have a stake in the organization. The theory argues that a firm should create value for all stakeholders, not just shareholders.” (“About | Stakeholder theory,” n.d.) This is pertinent to this dilemma because it literally tests the theory for corporations in real time. Multiple large companies have come under fire after being exposed for investing or contributing directly to these conditions. The most easily recognizable being Apple Inc. “In a statement, the lawyers for the DR Congo talked about Apple’s supply chain being contaminated with “blood minerals”. They allege that the tin, tantalum and tungsten is taken from conflict areas and then “laundered through international supply chains”. “These activities have fuelled a cycle of violence and conflict by financing militias and terrorist groups and have contributed to forced child labor and environmental devastation.” Apple rejected the accusations saying it holds its “suppliers to the highest standards in industry”. (“Apple accused by DR Congo of using conflict minerals,” 2024) 

Country Profile  

One may find themselves curious how a country and its government could allow such conditions. The Democratic Republic of Congo is unfortunately politically unstable. It is riddled with corruption and has a robust history of civil war. This directly leads to a weak rule of law, thus, being unable to regulate the mining industry effectively. Despite the globe’s reliance on the DRC’s Colbalt mining, the DRC is still classified as a developing/low-income country.  

The DRC’s GDP per capita is extremely low and relies heavily on external debt and The World Bank. It attracts FDI because of minerals, but investors are often scared away by the country’s corrupt nature. “Corruption in the Democratic Republic of the Congo is an endemic problem, and seriously hinders businesses operating in the country. It permeates all levels of government and all sectors of the economy, rendering the country’s investment climate as one of the least competitive in the world. Clientelism, rent-seeking, and patronage have decimated fair competition, particularly in the sectors of public procurement and extractive industries. Corruption has also impeded efforts to increase the transparency of government institutions.” (“Democratic Republic of the Congo country risk report | GAN integrity,” 2020) 

The DRC’s high youth population, low literacy rates, and severe poverty are all social indicators of a struggling nation. Despite what most would like to believe, that the DRC is solely responsible for its position, it’s actually a glowing indicator of gross imbalance in the countries trade balances. How could the country that supplies 70% of the world’s Cobalt be so impoverished? The answer goes back to our earlier discussion of how ethics is a major factor in the day-to-day life in the DRC. Congo’s “Mineral Curse” puts Congo in the crossfire for business standoffs, political and geographical tensions, and land theft. “The instability in Congo is inseparable from its substantial mineral wealth. The country hosts more than 70% of the world’s cobalt reserves, along with copper, coltan, and lithium, which are essential for electric vehicles and other renewable energy technologies. Rather than serving as a pathway to prosperity, these resources have become both a magnet for conflict and a fault line for geopolitical rivalry. Additionally, M23 rebels frequently target mining routes in North Kivu, cutting off humanitarian access and exploiting resources to finance operations, while weak governance allows corruption and the mismanagement of resources.” (“Congo’s mineral curse fuels US-China rivalry,” n.d.) 

IB Analysis 

Stakeholder Theory, Corporate Social Responsibility, and Global Supply Chain Ethics are most visible in this scenario. As it is easy to recognize and point out the humanitarian crisis in the DRC because it permeates the entire country on every level. From business to politics. Although there are some counter thinkers when it comes to this situation that attempt to spin these human atrocities into corporate wins (profit) while simultaneously ignoring how their explotive actions directly keep DRC underdeveloped. “The DRC is emblematic of what economists call the “resource curse” — the paradox where resource-rich countries often experience slower economic growth, weaker development, and heightened conflict compared to their resource-poor counterparts. Instead of fostering prosperity, Congo’s natural wealth has fueled corruption, warlords, and a cycle of violence that leaves its citizens destitute. For decades, its vast resources have been siphoned off by multinational corporations, neighboring countries, and local elites. Coltan, a mineral critical for smartphones and electronics, flows from Congolese mines into global supply chains, enriching foreign economies while leaving Congolese miners to toil in appalling conditions. Children as young as seven dig in perilous pits for a few dollars a day, while the profits flow far away to tech giants.” (Kamoga, 2024) 

The Democratic Republic of Congo’s ethical dilemma is a great example of how profit can drive inequity and imbalance, particularly, in underdeveloped countries that have access to resources but little guardrails for keeping them protected. The companies choose to focus on short term gain rather than long term sustainability which is a direct violation of Corporate Responsibility. As an underdeveloped country, the DRC has little to no oversight which would normally provide some level of oversight or transparency of records. This, again, leaves the DRC and its citizens completely vulnerable and at the will of the corporations and their own social responsibility. “U.S. Department of the Treasury’s Office of Foreign Assets Control (OFAC) imposed sanctions on entities linked to armed group violence and the sale of critical minerals in the Democratic Republic of the Congo (DRC).  Eastern DRC has experienced thousands of civilian deaths and a mass displacement crisis due to ongoing instability, which has been exacerbated recently by the Rwanda-backed March 23 Movement’s (M23) territorial control and reprisal attacks from DRC-aligned militias.  M23, a U.S.- and United Nations-designated armed group, has rapidly expanded its territorial control in eastern DRC and is responsible for human rights abuses. Today’s sanctions specifically target one of these armed groups involved in illegal mining operations and taxation schemes in Rubaya, an expansive mining area rich in critical minerals used in modern electronics.  Additionally, today’s action targets companies in the DRC and China that are engaged in trading conflict-linked minerals from the DRC on international markets, often through Rwanda.” (“Treasury sanctions entities linked to violence and illegal mining in the Democratic Republic of the Congo,” n.d.) 

In conclusion, The DRC’s Cobalt Mining business is an extensive example of a modern day central ethical issue. It highlights the importance of corporate responsibility and indirectly pinpoints the pangs of what a lack of corporate responsibility in International Business can look like. The goal of the #FreeCongo movement is to raise awarenes, thus, forcing visibility of the atrocities the Congo is facing with the hopes of corporations responding appropriately and effectively to repair the current, for profit, corporate attitude.  

Despite its most recent efforts, it’s worth mentioning that the lawsuit that the Congo had against multiple tech giants recently failed. Setting up the Congo to continue its ongoing fight for human rights, labor laws, and ultimately corporate responsibility. “In the document seen by Reuters and dated February 18, the Paris prosecutor’s office said allegations of money laundering and deceptive business practices were “not sufficiently well-founded” and closed the case – meaning it will not proceed with the complaint. The office invited Congo to contact a different office “with jurisdiction over war crimes”. The prosecutor’s office and Apple did not immediately respond to an emailed request for comment on Thursday. William Bourdon and Vincent Brengarth, lawyers working for Congo in France, described the decision as a “very partial dismissal” that they intended to challenge, citing the “extreme seriousness of the facts denounced and the need to identify and prosecute those responsible.” (“Reuters.com,” n.d.) 

References 

About | Stakeholder theory. (n.d.). Stakeholder Theory. https://stakeholdertheory.org/about/ 

Apple accused by DR Congo of using conflict minerals. (2024, December 17). BBC Breaking News, World News, US News, Sports, Business, Innovation, Climate, Culture, Travel, Video & Audio. https://www.bbc.com/news/articles/cn8g540wz3jo 

Congo Campaigns #FreeTheKongo. (n.d.). https://friendsofthecongo.org/campaigns/ 

Congo’s mineral curse fuels US-China rivalry. (n.d.). Lowy Institute. https://www.lowyinstitute.org/the-interpreter/congo-s-mineral-curse-fuels-us-china-rivalry 

Democratic Republic of the Congo country risk report | GAN integrity. (2020, November 4). GAN Integrity: Ethics & Compliance Management Software. https://www.ganintegrity.com/country-profiles/democratic-republic-of-the-congo/ 

Kamoga, J. (2024, November 16). The natural resource curse: Why Congo’s Riches keep it poor. Medium. https://medium.com/@johnckamoga/the-natural-resource-curse-why-congos-riches-keep-it-poor-4badce9fc4cb 

Resilience. (2024, June 17). Break the silence, free Congo. resilience. https://www.resilience.org/stories/2024-06-17/break-the-silence-free-congo/ 

Reuters.com. (n.d.). reuters.com. https://www.reuters.com/technology/paris-prosecutor-closes-case-against-apple-over-congo-minerals-document-2025-02-27/ 

Treasury sanctions entities linked to violence and illegal mining in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. (n.d.). U.S. Department of the Treasury. https://home.treasury.gov/news/press-releases/sb0221 

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Soul Retrieval

After finally coming out of my shell a short while ago, I was quickly faced with the reality of the world again. Although I may have been healed and eager to experience life again, that didn’t guarantee that I’d be met with a world as open, loving, and honest. I naively went into a new terrain in my life where I wasn’t closed off in closed off spaces anymore… I was open entering closed off spaces.

A person who is closed off entering spaces that are closed off (trauma-ridden hearts, places, and things) is rarely affected deeply by the weight of other things that are closed off. Plainly stated, it’s hard to be affected by the trauma of other things and people when you’re so trapped in your own trauma that you can’t even begin to try and process the indirect trauma around you. For example, someone who is jealous, vindictive, and/or self-centered will go into a nightclub and feel insecure, angry, and defensive. This is because this person is unhealed and can only see themselves. So they self doubt, sabotage, and wallow in their own misery not ever considering how the energy around them is affecting them directly.

Once you’re healed entering these spaces, if you aren’t spiritually sound and aware, you become a vessel of energy for those unhealed things to feed off of. Going back to the example, someone who is healed will enter a club with the desire to dance, make friends, and enjoy a libation. But, if they’re surrounded by people and music that is reflective of the unhealed version of themselves, it has the potential to trigger those same feelings that a person once healed from. You can feel the gaze of the insecure. You can feel the heat coming off the angry. If you don’t practice discernment or remove yourself from those environments, it’s easy for those things to re-pierce your soul and make you closed off again.

Recently, I attempted to explore relations with a man who was unhealed as a healed woman. Without going into too much detail, I gave him access, love, and positive energy. Unfortunately, because he was an unhealed man, I was met with manipulation, lies, and disarray. Although my heart was open at the inception of our relations, his callousness, coldness, and cruelty sowed doubt in me with each interaction. I began questioning my worth again, believing the lies he’d say, and even letting him borrow currency despite my own spirit advising me against it.

It wasn’t until he attempted to disparage me publicly with a lie, in an effort to tear down my public reputation to protect his, that I realized that I wasn’t as healed as I had once thought. I openly set out seeking to be loved and for a brief moment was set back into my unsure, insecure self. All because I allowed myself to be in a space where the heart was closed but mine was open.

Now in this period of Soul Retrieval, returning back home to myself after the trauma of being around the unhealed, I have to take accountability for even being in that space in the first place. I knew after our first encounter that it would never work between us. Hell, I knew before our encounter that it wasn’t going to work. But this open heart of mine wanted to love him into being healed. So, subconsciously, the tether drained me. It drained me of positive energy, self-love, and money. Unfortunately, because of money and his refusal to close the loop on an unpaid debt, I’m still being drained by his unhealed energy. Thus, why I needed to address it head on and call back my energy. A liar and a thief has no dominion in my life. The lies he spread about me publicly will crumble under the weight of his deceitfulness and I will be vindicated. His theft of my funds will not bankrupt me. The cord is cut.

The lesson I’m taking away from this experience is… Once healed, going into spaces that are full of disarray, sorrow, and trauma will only set you back on your spiritual journey. Approaching an environment or situation with an open heart in any circumstances requires strength and the ability to recognize when it’s time to walk away and step back into your power. Because staying in unhealed spaces as someone who has done their shadow work only exposes you to the shadows of those who haven’t.

– Ebony Queen

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Breaking Out My Shell

Last week was the New Moon In Leo and I’ve never felt more like myself than I do here and now. Breaking out of my shell meant going through a deep tumultuous awakening in which I’ve talked about in this Awakening series since April now. It’s time, now more than ever, for me to step into the spotlight without fear. I’ve entered the third decade of my life with grace and poise. Now it’s time to really show my ass.

I’ve been trapped in a world of all the things that I couldn’t do for so long, I am a little nervous about what I am open to doing now that I can. I no longer conform to the heteronormativity of monogamy that has held me captive from my own passions and desires. I don’t subscribe to a religion where my deities love for me limits me from life. I am no longer drawn to relationships and friendships that drain me rather than reciprocating the love they receive. Breaking out of my shell has truly been about finally being okay with being perceived, correctly or incorrectly.

In life, the hardest thing to overcome is the fear of perception. We choose certain jobs because they look good to the world, not because that’s what we REALLY want to do. We stay in relationships that are superficial and unfulfilling because society teaches us it’s better to be with someone than to be alone. We dress and groom ourselves based on what society deems is fashionable and if you aren’t aligned with it, you’re deemed unfashionable publicly. Those who are able to break free of these stigmas and thought patterns are the ones who are able to reach for everything they dream of and achieve it. It’s because they can dance without fear of being seen, write without fear of what to say, and sing without fear of being heard.

How can we truly achieve our dreams if the ones we actually have are suppressed out of fear, rejection, and/or doubt? Personally writing, in many different forms, has always been a major part of my innate design. It’s been a guaranteed facet of my life that probably would’ve enhanced my life earlier had I felt the freedom to explore it more wholly sooner.

A great example of this right now is Beyonce. She recently (last night 7/26/2025) completed her Cowboy Carter Tour, the second installment of her 3 act album tour for Renaissance. Although to many of us, it seems as though Beyonce has always carried the confidence that we see her rock on stage, this era showed us a different perspective. Her country album was, in her own words via Instagram, “born out of an experience that I had years ago where I did not feel welcomed.” In 2016, Beyonce was invited to the Country Music Awards to perform her first country crossover track “Daddy Lessons” from her 2016 album Lemonade. Beyonce took that uncomfortable moment where she was made to feel unwelcome in a place where she and others knew she belonged and turned that ill will into her first AOTY Grammy win for Cowboy Carter.

As it applies to my own life, and maybe to yours too, the lesson here is that in order to be your most authentic self, its important to understand and be okay with knowing that someone else’s perception of you doesn’t make you who you are. We make ourselves who we are… and if we spent our whole life living for what others deemed appropriate, we’d never truly be happy. So in this next era of my own, after breaking out my shell, that’s my ultimate destination… Authentically Happy.

Ebony Queen

References

Beyoncé on Instagram: “act II cowboy Carter 3.29 today marks the 10-day countdown until the release of act II. (n.d.). Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/p/C4s6Zr7rlwA/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

Beyoncé brings out destiny’s child for surprise reunion during final cowboy Carter show in Las Vegas. (2025, July 27). People.com. https://people.com/destinys-child-reunites-beyonce-final-show-las-vegas-11779800

Nytimes.com. (2016, November 4). The New York Times – Breaking News, US News, World News and Videos. https://www.nytimes.com/2016/11/04/arts/music/beyonce-cma-awards-backlash.html

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ICYMI: On They Neck x Ebony Queen Available Everywhere!

Hey Queendom!

In case you missed it On They Neck is now available on all major streaming platforms for your streaming pleasure.

Thank you to all of my new subscribers!

I’m just getting started 👠✨

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On They Neck X Ebony Queen

Dropping Friday ✨

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Getting Comfortable

Being myself without the pressures of societal and familial expectations started out with me sitting in silence, alone, wondering who I am and what I wanted without those influences. Was college MY dream? Was I pursuing traditional monogamy because of MY desires or my indoctrination? Who was I outside of the titles that I carried daily… when I got home each day and stripped myself down to just me?

It was then that I realized I hadn’t really taken the time to learn and develop myself to my own standards. I wasn’t pursuing my dream job. I wasn’t wearing clothing and perfumes that I had REALLY chosen for myself. I wore what I liked, but mostly, what I thought others would like…. what I thought my conservative family with their piercing judgement may not make a negative comment about. What I thought would attract the type of men that I was “supposed” to attract. I wasn’t building towards the lifestyle I wanted. I was living in the reality that others seen for me.

Breaking free felt orgasmic… literally lol. I vibrated myself into oblivion. I shopped the stores for smells that pulsed off my body just the way I liked. I explored my kinks relentlessly. I donned different wigs to feel out which color felt like mine. I donated the clothes and furniture that weren’t my style. I developed my rituals according to my own desires. I finally showered myself with a kind of love I had never truly allowed myself to have…self-love.

Getting comfortable in my self-love wasn’t hard once I understood what it was and how it made me happy. It was hard for others. I had to set boundaries that cut people off from my expected empathy, unselfishness, and forgiveness. This angered some and made others distant. A few even disappeared. You never know how much a person truly values you until you can’t show up for them… whether it be the first time you’ve said no or the last time you said yes, some loyalty is always dependent upon transactions. For me? I had to let that go, no matter how much it hurt because either way it went… It was always me that was left carrying the pain.

I am throughly enjoying learning myself and growing into who I truly want to be. It’s not all shits and giggles though. It required letting the built up real, raw, heart wrenching emotion free. The disappointments, betrayals, and let-downs… I had to feel them before I could release them. But if I wanted to be comfortable… in my own skin, it was necessary.

Comfort isn’t just given or awarded to anyone. It’s yearned for… it’s earned. For the earliest half of my life, I was yearning… to just be me. Freely. But now, I am free…comfortably.

https://queendomentertainment.com/2025/04/30/awakening-ebony/

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Awakening Ebony

I’ve spent a lot of time staring at blankness. Blank pages in all the journals and notebooks with fancy covers that I’ve accumulated over the years… waiting for the words that align with the ones flying around in my mind to magically appear on the pages. Blank pages on computer screens… waiting for every story that lingers in my creative pockets to find its way out on its own. I’ve held back from so much in life… writing included. This year, I entered a phase of my life where I am refusing to keep holding back. I have to let go of all of my expectations and fears, and just live… Life is passing me by regardless of if I am nestled away comfortably in my shell or outside being the person I’m destined to be.

A lot has happened in the last few years. For the first time since 2013, I live alone. No roommates, no family, no man… just me and baby girl, day in and day out. For years, I carried around a deep anxiety that would sit in the pit of my stomach. It never seemed to go away entirely. If it wasn’t bellowing deep in my belly during a stressful situation, it was lingering behind when I was trying my absolute best to not feel it. I learned to suppress it as best I could, chalking it up to a social anxiety that I would just have to get used to carrying. Shockingly… as I grew into my new home, adding personal touches to make it my own, that pit began to melt away….

I found myself delving into passions that I had once forsaken for double employment, relationships, vices, and unresolved emotions. As I re-explored myself and my passions I was able to pinpoint things about myself that previously I wouldn’t have had the capacity to pay attention to. I was too busy being the listener for the talker, the do-er for the needy, and the friend that always put everyone else’s needs over her own. I lessened my light to make it easier for others to feel loved, heard, and comfortable around me. I never really got that in return… Now that I was living alone though, I could do anything and everything I ever wanted, without the weight of catering to another adult human being. I was discovering myself…

I’ve always know who I am, in a sense. But I never had the freedom to be my truest self without insecurity, judgement, or reservation. I kept myself from being the full extent of who I am deep down. I refrained from saying what I was really thinking. I’ve refused to go to places that I should’ve went. I am not doing that anymore.

In order to release and live, I needed to face myself. Throughout my years, I unknowingly carried traumas I didn’t even recognize. The largest being indoctrination. I believe everyone should have the freedom to express their love for God how they see fit. However, our society has brought us up to believe that everyone’s beliefs except their own are wrong. Without naming the organization (cause I’m just not ready for that yet), I too was the victim of a religion that enveloped me as a youth and warped my perspective of the world. Not to say that it was a bad religion or that it was evil. It just wasn’t what I believed in. I didn’t feel my connection to God through that type of congregation. But growing up in the midst of it, you learn that speaking up against it could get you in trouble you may not be ready for.

How did that indoctrination affect me in my youth? It kept me from self-love and self-pleasure. It shielded me from the real woes of life as a means of protection, which ultimately, just left me lost in the world. I knew the word of God and stories of the Bible, but that’s not the world I was met with. I couldn’t maneuver life healthily because I was taught that you had to remain perfect even though the world was doomed from the start. This crippled my emotions, my dreams, and my connection with the divine. Why was life even worth living if suffering, imminent danger, and death was the only thing guaranteed?

It took a lot of time, self-reassurance, and exploration to finally let go of the heaviness of doom that I carried around for most of my youth. It wasn’t until I had a seizure at 29 that I finally woke up to the fact that life was passing me by and I wasn’t happy. Immediately, I knew that I had to make changes and the first act of my newfound confidence was moving into my own place again (https://youtu.be/pWLY2Flg0wo?si=JRxyHfNnYGLZpDqQ).

I thank my home for giving me the space to breathe, create, wail, adjust, and live freely...

I am still on the journey of Awakening Ebony… and I am finally at a point where I feel I can share my journey with the world. I am finally ready to show the world who I am, without fear of retribution. Asè.

To be continued…

I dedicate this series of personal newsletters “Awakening Ebony” to my daughter, Araya. You are my reason to love and legacy in life. May you find all the tidbits in the world that I left to guide you as useful. Remember that whether in physical or in spirit.. I am forever beside you.