Tag: love

Categories
Ebony Queen Queendom Entertainment

The Consort

It was his smile that struck me. I had been following him on social media for quite some time. His calm, grown, & sexy demeanor on his posts and in his stories was mesmerizing. He didn’t seem to have any red flags on his page, which should’ve been one to begin with, but naively… I fell. 

Knowing that we were both Scorpios created this insatiable tension within me. I knew that we could never truly be together but I was curious at how passionate a friendship between us could be. We were, by nature, both irresistibly magnetic, innately loyal, and passionately sexual. In my mind, this was the kinda connection I needed to revive myself from years of celibacy. A connection that wouldn’t end up being a long draining relationship full of drama and strain. 

I envisioned it modeling after a romance from years before where we never needed words to communicate with each other. We only ever let our bodies do the talking. He’d call for me or I’d call for him and we’d show up for the other every time. No games, no dates, no deep intellectual conversations… we’d just fuck each other tirelessly. We never complicated things by questioning if we were meant for more with each other. It was just pure, unfiltered, passionate fucking and deep down I wanted that again. 

The consort had that kind of mystery about him. He seemed like a man that could fuck me the way I needed it and keep it under wraps. So I pursued him. It started with a simple joke with sexual innuendo. It peaked his interest when I showed him that side of me because I was a real stranger to him. Something I should’ve foreseen being a problem in the future, given the state of the world & relationships today lacking authenticity. But he bit, and soon he’d find that my sweetness was genuine. I showered him with gifts, uplifted him with words of affirmation, and even flexed my femininity to him by performing submission rituals for him. A dangerous game I was playing, doing all that for a man that didn’t know me from a can of paint and wasn’t connected to me or my life in any real way. I was a mystery to him and although it intrigued him, it also is what drove him away in the end.

After a couple of missed opportunities, the night had finally come where our bodies would meet. It was a hot August night and the air was thick with tension and passion. I drove to him which offered a sense of protection for me and a sense of control for him. We both were nervous about what this would finally look like now that we were meeting in real life. I brought everything I could to take the edge off us both… liquor and smoke. We didn’t end up needing either though. 

In his kitchen, I stood still for moment… shy. I looked over at him, dick out and erect, nervous… wondering if I had gotten myself into something that I wasn’t ready for after years of being emotionally regulated by isolation. “Don’t act shy now” his voice thundered, cracking the silence that was consuming me internally. As a divine feminine, donning my beads and with full authority over my sexuality, I bent to his will. His command and sternness threw me into a tizzy. I couldn’t hold back sexually from him the way I had originally planned. I didn’t intend to open myself up to him as deeply as I did on night one but it was like cosmically, it was meant for him to bring that side of me back into the light.

Finish reading at:

https://open.substack.com/pub/scorpiana/p/the-consort?r=2b4j0u&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

https://scorpiana.substack.com

Categories
Ebony Queen Queendom Entertainment

Soul Retrieval

After finally coming out of my shell a short while ago, I was quickly faced with the reality of the world again. Although I may have been healed and eager to experience life again, that didn’t guarantee that I’d be met with a world as open, loving, and honest. I naively went into a new terrain in my life where I wasn’t closed off in closed off spaces anymore… I was open entering closed off spaces.

A person who is closed off entering spaces that are closed off (trauma-ridden hearts, places, and things) is rarely affected deeply by the weight of other things that are closed off. Plainly stated, it’s hard to be affected by the trauma of other things and people when you’re so trapped in your own trauma that you can’t even begin to try and process the indirect trauma around you. For example, someone who is jealous, vindictive, and/or self-centered will go into a nightclub and feel insecure, angry, and defensive. This is because this person is unhealed and can only see themselves. So they self doubt, sabotage, and wallow in their own misery not ever considering how the energy around them is affecting them directly.

Once you’re healed entering these spaces, if you aren’t spiritually sound and aware, you become a vessel of energy for those unhealed things to feed off of. Going back to the example, someone who is healed will enter a club with the desire to dance, make friends, and enjoy a libation. But, if they’re surrounded by people and music that is reflective of the unhealed version of themselves, it has the potential to trigger those same feelings that a person once healed from. You can feel the gaze of the insecure. You can feel the heat coming off the angry. If you don’t practice discernment or remove yourself from those environments, it’s easy for those things to re-pierce your soul and make you closed off again.

Recently, I attempted to explore relations with a man who was unhealed as a healed woman. Without going into too much detail, I gave him access, love, and positive energy. Unfortunately, because he was an unhealed man, I was met with manipulation, lies, and disarray. Although my heart was open at the inception of our relations, his callousness, coldness, and cruelty sowed doubt in me with each interaction. I began questioning my worth again, believing the lies he’d say, and even letting him borrow currency despite my own spirit advising me against it.

It wasn’t until he attempted to disparage me publicly with a lie, in an effort to tear down my public reputation to protect his, that I realized that I wasn’t as healed as I had once thought. I openly set out seeking to be loved and for a brief moment was set back into my unsure, insecure self. All because I allowed myself to be in a space where the heart was closed but mine was open.

Now in this period of Soul Retrieval, returning back home to myself after the trauma of being around the unhealed, I have to take accountability for even being in that space in the first place. I knew after our first encounter that it would never work between us. Hell, I knew before our encounter that it wasn’t going to work. But this open heart of mine wanted to love him into being healed. So, subconsciously, the tether drained me. It drained me of positive energy, self-love, and money. Unfortunately, because of money and his refusal to close the loop on an unpaid debt, I’m still being drained by his unhealed energy. Thus, why I needed to address it head on and call back my energy. A liar and a thief has no dominion in my life. The lies he spread about me publicly will crumble under the weight of his deceitfulness and I will be vindicated. His theft of my funds will not bankrupt me. The cord is cut.

The lesson I’m taking away from this experience is… Once healed, going into spaces that are full of disarray, sorrow, and trauma will only set you back on your spiritual journey. Approaching an environment or situation with an open heart in any circumstances requires strength and the ability to recognize when it’s time to walk away and step back into your power. Because staying in unhealed spaces as someone who has done their shadow work only exposes you to the shadows of those who haven’t.

– Ebony Queen

Categories
Ebony Queen PanAfrican Liberation Coalition Queendom Entertainment

Getting Comfortable

Being myself without the pressures of societal and familial expectations started out with me sitting in silence, alone, wondering who I am and what I wanted without those influences. Was college MY dream? Was I pursuing traditional monogamy because of MY desires or my indoctrination? Who was I outside of the titles that I carried daily… when I got home each day and stripped myself down to just me?

It was then that I realized I hadn’t really taken the time to learn and develop myself to my own standards. I wasn’t pursuing my dream job. I wasn’t wearing clothing and perfumes that I had REALLY chosen for myself. I wore what I liked, but mostly, what I thought others would like…. what I thought my conservative family with their piercing judgement may not make a negative comment about. What I thought would attract the type of men that I was “supposed” to attract. I wasn’t building towards the lifestyle I wanted. I was living in the reality that others seen for me.

Breaking free felt orgasmic… literally lol. I vibrated myself into oblivion. I shopped the stores for smells that pulsed off my body just the way I liked. I explored my kinks relentlessly. I donned different wigs to feel out which color felt like mine. I donated the clothes and furniture that weren’t my style. I developed my rituals according to my own desires. I finally showered myself with a kind of love I had never truly allowed myself to have…self-love.

Getting comfortable in my self-love wasn’t hard once I understood what it was and how it made me happy. It was hard for others. I had to set boundaries that cut people off from my expected empathy, unselfishness, and forgiveness. This angered some and made others distant. A few even disappeared. You never know how much a person truly values you until you can’t show up for them… whether it be the first time you’ve said no or the last time you said yes, some loyalty is always dependent upon transactions. For me? I had to let that go, no matter how much it hurt because either way it went… It was always me that was left carrying the pain.

I am throughly enjoying learning myself and growing into who I truly want to be. It’s not all shits and giggles though. It required letting the built up real, raw, heart wrenching emotion free. The disappointments, betrayals, and let-downs… I had to feel them before I could release them. But if I wanted to be comfortable… in my own skin, it was necessary.

Comfort isn’t just given or awarded to anyone. It’s yearned for… it’s earned. For the earliest half of my life, I was yearning… to just be me. Freely. But now, I am free…comfortably.

https://queendomentertainment.com/2025/04/30/awakening-ebony/

Categories
Ebony Queen Queendom Entertainment

Awakening Ebony

I’ve spent a lot of time staring at blankness. Blank pages in all the journals and notebooks with fancy covers that I’ve accumulated over the years… waiting for the words that align with the ones flying around in my mind to magically appear on the pages. Blank pages on computer screens… waiting for every story that lingers in my creative pockets to find its way out on its own. I’ve held back from so much in life… writing included. This year, I entered a phase of my life where I am refusing to keep holding back. I have to let go of all of my expectations and fears, and just live… Life is passing me by regardless of if I am nestled away comfortably in my shell or outside being the person I’m destined to be.

A lot has happened in the last few years. For the first time since 2013, I live alone. No roommates, no family, no man… just me and baby girl, day in and day out. For years, I carried around a deep anxiety that would sit in the pit of my stomach. It never seemed to go away entirely. If it wasn’t bellowing deep in my belly during a stressful situation, it was lingering behind when I was trying my absolute best to not feel it. I learned to suppress it as best I could, chalking it up to a social anxiety that I would just have to get used to carrying. Shockingly… as I grew into my new home, adding personal touches to make it my own, that pit began to melt away….

I found myself delving into passions that I had once forsaken for double employment, relationships, vices, and unresolved emotions. As I re-explored myself and my passions I was able to pinpoint things about myself that previously I wouldn’t have had the capacity to pay attention to. I was too busy being the listener for the talker, the do-er for the needy, and the friend that always put everyone else’s needs over her own. I lessened my light to make it easier for others to feel loved, heard, and comfortable around me. I never really got that in return… Now that I was living alone though, I could do anything and everything I ever wanted, without the weight of catering to another adult human being. I was discovering myself…

I’ve always know who I am, in a sense. But I never had the freedom to be my truest self without insecurity, judgement, or reservation. I kept myself from being the full extent of who I am deep down. I refrained from saying what I was really thinking. I’ve refused to go to places that I should’ve went. I am not doing that anymore.

In order to release and live, I needed to face myself. Throughout my years, I unknowingly carried traumas I didn’t even recognize. The largest being indoctrination. I believe everyone should have the freedom to express their love for God how they see fit. However, our society has brought us up to believe that everyone’s beliefs except their own are wrong. Without naming the organization (cause I’m just not ready for that yet), I too was the victim of a religion that enveloped me as a youth and warped my perspective of the world. Not to say that it was a bad religion or that it was evil. It just wasn’t what I believed in. I didn’t feel my connection to God through that type of congregation. But growing up in the midst of it, you learn that speaking up against it could get you in trouble you may not be ready for.

How did that indoctrination affect me in my youth? It kept me from self-love and self-pleasure. It shielded me from the real woes of life as a means of protection, which ultimately, just left me lost in the world. I knew the word of God and stories of the Bible, but that’s not the world I was met with. I couldn’t maneuver life healthily because I was taught that you had to remain perfect even though the world was doomed from the start. This crippled my emotions, my dreams, and my connection with the divine. Why was life even worth living if suffering, imminent danger, and death was the only thing guaranteed?

It took a lot of time, self-reassurance, and exploration to finally let go of the heaviness of doom that I carried around for most of my youth. It wasn’t until I had a seizure at 29 that I finally woke up to the fact that life was passing me by and I wasn’t happy. Immediately, I knew that I had to make changes and the first act of my newfound confidence was moving into my own place again (https://youtu.be/pWLY2Flg0wo?si=JRxyHfNnYGLZpDqQ).

I thank my home for giving me the space to breathe, create, wail, adjust, and live freely...

I am still on the journey of Awakening Ebony… and I am finally at a point where I feel I can share my journey with the world. I am finally ready to show the world who I am, without fear of retribution. Asè.

To be continued…

I dedicate this series of personal newsletters “Awakening Ebony” to my daughter, Araya. You are my reason to love and legacy in life. May you find all the tidbits in the world that I left to guide you as useful. Remember that whether in physical or in spirit.. I am forever beside you.

Categories
Ebony Queen PanAfrican Liberation Coalition Queendom Entertainment Uncategorized

Celibacy Streak

On February 14th, 2023, I stopped having sex. Cold turkey. It wasn’t planned, it was triggered. My trust was betrayed and from that day on, I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. It didn’t matter the man or the circumstances, I just wasn’t interested. Now, it is July 7th, 2024 and I just recently broke my celibacy streak.

As a Scorpio, sexuality oozes through us naturally. It is almost always assumed that we are overtly sexual and lustful beings. In actuality though, yeah, we kinda are… but only if we are enthralled with someone who we trust entirely. I’m talking years of pulling back layers to uncover the sexual prowess that is so frequently assumed of Scorpios. Unless… the scorpio is un-evolved.

Once upon a time, I was sacred with sex, but not enough. I fell in love with emotionally unavailable men and often found myself in relationships where I gave more than I received. As I age and reflect on my love life, I realized I was disrespectful to myself back then. I didn’t love me enough to wait… to be loved correctly. Why was that?

This betrayal jarred me to reality. As much as I love sex and all things pertaining to it, I knew was worthy of better. I am worthy of receiving the kind of love I give. & No matter how much of myself I gave, it wasn’t enough…so I stopped.

In the beginning, it was hard. There is no feeling quite like the feeling of the tip of a hard dick splitting your walls apart on the first stroke. But I had to commit to loving myself, before I could love the way someone else could make me “feel”. Things were dry at the start.

I didn’t twerk for my health. I couldn’t be naked for long. I didn’t feel wanted or I did feel wanted, but only in that way. I was just going about my days seeking pleasure in other things like food and outings. & for a while, I had forgotten about sex. During that time, I re-found my love for many things outside of sex again.

Eventually though, I began to feel lust building in my body. It started subtly. I could feel my pussy get a little wet with the forbidden glimpse of a jumping dick in public. I’d catch myself getting lost in a daze of hot ex sex flashbacks. Until, one day, I couldn’t resist. I let myself touch me again.

I made love to myself incessantly. Like I had just discovered myself for the first time in life, all over again. I explored the depths of my solo desires alone for months. I researched all the kinks and freak shit my little heart could take. & soon, I emerged a new woman.

One day, I woke up feeling like I knew myself in ways I had never known before. It wasn’t just because of the bean-flicking either. The combination of abstaining completely, even from solo play, to a period of only sexual self exploration introduced me to a version of me I had never been before. A woman that loves herself first.

I emerged more confident, self-aware, and strong. I was no longer influenced by desire and empty advances. I allowed myself to be sexy and sexual without that having to involve anyone else at all. I began adorning myself and doing my make-up again, a practice that had taken a backseat to my relationships many years ago. I started caring about what I wore in public again and began taking more detailed pride in the way I cared for myself.

Once all these stages were complete, I had come to conclusion that not only did this hiatus do me well. It opened my eyes to the reality of sex. That while it is enjoyable and desirable, it is not meant to under indulged or overindulged. Sex is a human entity and facet of life. It is meant to be explored and enjoyed. It is meant to be what each person makes of it and should leave those participating feeling loved, empowered, sexy, and safe.

Ultimately, pondering on this notion is what prompted me to rediscover penetration. This time, as a WOMAN. I went into sexuality without shame or pressure. The power and the plays are in my hands, I determine who I climb on and when I will indulge myself in dick. This time, it won’t be about trying to fulfill societal roles or pleasing a man. It’ll be me getting dicked down because I want it, I deserve it, and because I can.

Ebony Queen