Tag: life

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Ebony Queen Queendom Entertainment

The Consort

It was his smile that struck me. I had been following him on social media for quite some time. His calm, grown, & sexy demeanor on his posts and in his stories was mesmerizing. He didn’t seem to have any red flags on his page, which should’ve been one to begin with, but naively… I fell. 

Knowing that we were both Scorpios created this insatiable tension within me. I knew that we could never truly be together but I was curious at how passionate a friendship between us could be. We were, by nature, both irresistibly magnetic, innately loyal, and passionately sexual. In my mind, this was the kinda connection I needed to revive myself from years of celibacy. A connection that wouldn’t end up being a long draining relationship full of drama and strain. 

I envisioned it modeling after a romance from years before where we never needed words to communicate with each other. We only ever let our bodies do the talking. He’d call for me or I’d call for him and we’d show up for the other every time. No games, no dates, no deep intellectual conversations… we’d just fuck each other tirelessly. We never complicated things by questioning if we were meant for more with each other. It was just pure, unfiltered, passionate fucking and deep down I wanted that again. 

The consort had that kind of mystery about him. He seemed like a man that could fuck me the way I needed it and keep it under wraps. So I pursued him. It started with a simple joke with sexual innuendo. It peaked his interest when I showed him that side of me because I was a real stranger to him. Something I should’ve foreseen being a problem in the future, given the state of the world & relationships today lacking authenticity. But he bit, and soon he’d find that my sweetness was genuine. I showered him with gifts, uplifted him with words of affirmation, and even flexed my femininity to him by performing submission rituals for him. A dangerous game I was playing, doing all that for a man that didn’t know me from a can of paint and wasn’t connected to me or my life in any real way. I was a mystery to him and although it intrigued him, it also is what drove him away in the end.

After a couple of missed opportunities, the night had finally come where our bodies would meet. It was a hot August night and the air was thick with tension and passion. I drove to him which offered a sense of protection for me and a sense of control for him. We both were nervous about what this would finally look like now that we were meeting in real life. I brought everything I could to take the edge off us both… liquor and smoke. We didn’t end up needing either though. 

In his kitchen, I stood still for moment… shy. I looked over at him, dick out and erect, nervous… wondering if I had gotten myself into something that I wasn’t ready for after years of being emotionally regulated by isolation. “Don’t act shy now” his voice thundered, cracking the silence that was consuming me internally. As a divine feminine, donning my beads and with full authority over my sexuality, I bent to his will. His command and sternness threw me into a tizzy. I couldn’t hold back sexually from him the way I had originally planned. I didn’t intend to open myself up to him as deeply as I did on night one but it was like cosmically, it was meant for him to bring that side of me back into the light.

Finish reading at:

https://open.substack.com/pub/scorpiana/p/the-consort?r=2b4j0u&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=true

https://scorpiana.substack.com

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Ebony Queen Queendom Entertainment

Soul Retrieval

After finally coming out of my shell a short while ago, I was quickly faced with the reality of the world again. Although I may have been healed and eager to experience life again, that didn’t guarantee that I’d be met with a world as open, loving, and honest. I naively went into a new terrain in my life where I wasn’t closed off in closed off spaces anymore… I was open entering closed off spaces.

A person who is closed off entering spaces that are closed off (trauma-ridden hearts, places, and things) is rarely affected deeply by the weight of other things that are closed off. Plainly stated, it’s hard to be affected by the trauma of other things and people when you’re so trapped in your own trauma that you can’t even begin to try and process the indirect trauma around you. For example, someone who is jealous, vindictive, and/or self-centered will go into a nightclub and feel insecure, angry, and defensive. This is because this person is unhealed and can only see themselves. So they self doubt, sabotage, and wallow in their own misery not ever considering how the energy around them is affecting them directly.

Once you’re healed entering these spaces, if you aren’t spiritually sound and aware, you become a vessel of energy for those unhealed things to feed off of. Going back to the example, someone who is healed will enter a club with the desire to dance, make friends, and enjoy a libation. But, if they’re surrounded by people and music that is reflective of the unhealed version of themselves, it has the potential to trigger those same feelings that a person once healed from. You can feel the gaze of the insecure. You can feel the heat coming off the angry. If you don’t practice discernment or remove yourself from those environments, it’s easy for those things to re-pierce your soul and make you closed off again.

Recently, I attempted to explore relations with a man who was unhealed as a healed woman. Without going into too much detail, I gave him access, love, and positive energy. Unfortunately, because he was an unhealed man, I was met with manipulation, lies, and disarray. Although my heart was open at the inception of our relations, his callousness, coldness, and cruelty sowed doubt in me with each interaction. I began questioning my worth again, believing the lies he’d say, and even letting him borrow currency despite my own spirit advising me against it.

It wasn’t until he attempted to disparage me publicly with a lie, in an effort to tear down my public reputation to protect his, that I realized that I wasn’t as healed as I had once thought. I openly set out seeking to be loved and for a brief moment was set back into my unsure, insecure self. All because I allowed myself to be in a space where the heart was closed but mine was open.

Now in this period of Soul Retrieval, returning back home to myself after the trauma of being around the unhealed, I have to take accountability for even being in that space in the first place. I knew after our first encounter that it would never work between us. Hell, I knew before our encounter that it wasn’t going to work. But this open heart of mine wanted to love him into being healed. So, subconsciously, the tether drained me. It drained me of positive energy, self-love, and money. Unfortunately, because of money and his refusal to close the loop on an unpaid debt, I’m still being drained by his unhealed energy. Thus, why I needed to address it head on and call back my energy. A liar and a thief has no dominion in my life. The lies he spread about me publicly will crumble under the weight of his deceitfulness and I will be vindicated. His theft of my funds will not bankrupt me. The cord is cut.

The lesson I’m taking away from this experience is… Once healed, going into spaces that are full of disarray, sorrow, and trauma will only set you back on your spiritual journey. Approaching an environment or situation with an open heart in any circumstances requires strength and the ability to recognize when it’s time to walk away and step back into your power. Because staying in unhealed spaces as someone who has done their shadow work only exposes you to the shadows of those who haven’t.

– Ebony Queen

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Ebony Queen PanAfrican Liberation Coalition Queendom Entertainment

Getting Comfortable

Being myself without the pressures of societal and familial expectations started out with me sitting in silence, alone, wondering who I am and what I wanted without those influences. Was college MY dream? Was I pursuing traditional monogamy because of MY desires or my indoctrination? Who was I outside of the titles that I carried daily… when I got home each day and stripped myself down to just me?

It was then that I realized I hadn’t really taken the time to learn and develop myself to my own standards. I wasn’t pursuing my dream job. I wasn’t wearing clothing and perfumes that I had REALLY chosen for myself. I wore what I liked, but mostly, what I thought others would like…. what I thought my conservative family with their piercing judgement may not make a negative comment about. What I thought would attract the type of men that I was “supposed” to attract. I wasn’t building towards the lifestyle I wanted. I was living in the reality that others seen for me.

Breaking free felt orgasmic… literally lol. I vibrated myself into oblivion. I shopped the stores for smells that pulsed off my body just the way I liked. I explored my kinks relentlessly. I donned different wigs to feel out which color felt like mine. I donated the clothes and furniture that weren’t my style. I developed my rituals according to my own desires. I finally showered myself with a kind of love I had never truly allowed myself to have…self-love.

Getting comfortable in my self-love wasn’t hard once I understood what it was and how it made me happy. It was hard for others. I had to set boundaries that cut people off from my expected empathy, unselfishness, and forgiveness. This angered some and made others distant. A few even disappeared. You never know how much a person truly values you until you can’t show up for them… whether it be the first time you’ve said no or the last time you said yes, some loyalty is always dependent upon transactions. For me? I had to let that go, no matter how much it hurt because either way it went… It was always me that was left carrying the pain.

I am throughly enjoying learning myself and growing into who I truly want to be. It’s not all shits and giggles though. It required letting the built up real, raw, heart wrenching emotion free. The disappointments, betrayals, and let-downs… I had to feel them before I could release them. But if I wanted to be comfortable… in my own skin, it was necessary.

Comfort isn’t just given or awarded to anyone. It’s yearned for… it’s earned. For the earliest half of my life, I was yearning… to just be me. Freely. But now, I am free…comfortably.

https://queendomentertainment.com/2025/04/30/awakening-ebony/

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Ebony Queen Queendom Entertainment

Awakening Ebony

I’ve spent a lot of time staring at blankness. Blank pages in all the journals and notebooks with fancy covers that I’ve accumulated over the years… waiting for the words that align with the ones flying around in my mind to magically appear on the pages. Blank pages on computer screens… waiting for every story that lingers in my creative pockets to find its way out on its own. I’ve held back from so much in life… writing included. This year, I entered a phase of my life where I am refusing to keep holding back. I have to let go of all of my expectations and fears, and just live… Life is passing me by regardless of if I am nestled away comfortably in my shell or outside being the person I’m destined to be.

A lot has happened in the last few years. For the first time since 2013, I live alone. No roommates, no family, no man… just me and baby girl, day in and day out. For years, I carried around a deep anxiety that would sit in the pit of my stomach. It never seemed to go away entirely. If it wasn’t bellowing deep in my belly during a stressful situation, it was lingering behind when I was trying my absolute best to not feel it. I learned to suppress it as best I could, chalking it up to a social anxiety that I would just have to get used to carrying. Shockingly… as I grew into my new home, adding personal touches to make it my own, that pit began to melt away….

I found myself delving into passions that I had once forsaken for double employment, relationships, vices, and unresolved emotions. As I re-explored myself and my passions I was able to pinpoint things about myself that previously I wouldn’t have had the capacity to pay attention to. I was too busy being the listener for the talker, the do-er for the needy, and the friend that always put everyone else’s needs over her own. I lessened my light to make it easier for others to feel loved, heard, and comfortable around me. I never really got that in return… Now that I was living alone though, I could do anything and everything I ever wanted, without the weight of catering to another adult human being. I was discovering myself…

I’ve always know who I am, in a sense. But I never had the freedom to be my truest self without insecurity, judgement, or reservation. I kept myself from being the full extent of who I am deep down. I refrained from saying what I was really thinking. I’ve refused to go to places that I should’ve went. I am not doing that anymore.

In order to release and live, I needed to face myself. Throughout my years, I unknowingly carried traumas I didn’t even recognize. The largest being indoctrination. I believe everyone should have the freedom to express their love for God how they see fit. However, our society has brought us up to believe that everyone’s beliefs except their own are wrong. Without naming the organization (cause I’m just not ready for that yet), I too was the victim of a religion that enveloped me as a youth and warped my perspective of the world. Not to say that it was a bad religion or that it was evil. It just wasn’t what I believed in. I didn’t feel my connection to God through that type of congregation. But growing up in the midst of it, you learn that speaking up against it could get you in trouble you may not be ready for.

How did that indoctrination affect me in my youth? It kept me from self-love and self-pleasure. It shielded me from the real woes of life as a means of protection, which ultimately, just left me lost in the world. I knew the word of God and stories of the Bible, but that’s not the world I was met with. I couldn’t maneuver life healthily because I was taught that you had to remain perfect even though the world was doomed from the start. This crippled my emotions, my dreams, and my connection with the divine. Why was life even worth living if suffering, imminent danger, and death was the only thing guaranteed?

It took a lot of time, self-reassurance, and exploration to finally let go of the heaviness of doom that I carried around for most of my youth. It wasn’t until I had a seizure at 29 that I finally woke up to the fact that life was passing me by and I wasn’t happy. Immediately, I knew that I had to make changes and the first act of my newfound confidence was moving into my own place again (https://youtu.be/pWLY2Flg0wo?si=JRxyHfNnYGLZpDqQ).

I thank my home for giving me the space to breathe, create, wail, adjust, and live freely...

I am still on the journey of Awakening Ebony… and I am finally at a point where I feel I can share my journey with the world. I am finally ready to show the world who I am, without fear of retribution. Asè.

To be continued…

I dedicate this series of personal newsletters “Awakening Ebony” to my daughter, Araya. You are my reason to love and legacy in life. May you find all the tidbits in the world that I left to guide you as useful. Remember that whether in physical or in spirit.. I am forever beside you.

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Ebony Queen PanAfrican Liberation Coalition Queendom Entertainment

Halfway through 30 ⏳

As I approach the halfway point of my 30th year and reflect on my youth, I finally realize what that shift that no one tells you about is.

It’s accountability, perspective, and composure. Turning 30 is a jarring wake up call that if you aren’t already on the track that you want to be on in life , you’re behind and/or you’re settling for less.

You’re forced to take a long hard look at yourself, your relationships/friendships, and previous mistakes. You accept accountability for where you are in life and forgive yourself for the consequences you are facing for your choices as a youth.

Once you accept accountability your perspective changes. You realize that you can’t live everyday on a whim and if you want what you dream of, you really have to work for it. You find yourself doing what you want more than feeling forced to people please. You spend less time trying to escape reality and more time creating a better one.

As you get more comfortable with life and growth, your composure changes. It’s easier to control your emotions about things that would previously ruin your whole day. You no longer want to waste a minute of your life on anything or anyone that doesn’t align with the life you envision. You find the beauty in life and the joy of living it.

Although this shift can happen before 30 (or for some never 🤣), it cements itself once you hit that 30 year milestone. 30 is the beginning of the rest of your life. 30 is the crossroad at which you have to decide if your going to make the same mistakes, let go of your dreams, and fall into oblivion forever OR if you’re going to have faith, do the work, and create the life of your dreams.

💭

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Ebony Queen Martin Legacy Investments PanAfrican Liberation Coalition Queendom Entertainment

That Silly Goose Grass!

Ebony

Natural Sciences Final   

03/29/2023 

That Silly Goose Grass!  

  Have you ever pulled a green thing off a cloth out of a freshly cleaned batch of laundry? Or maybe noticed some extremely sticky things on the tip of your shoes or in the cuffs of your jeans? They call that Goosegrass! While fascinating, it is also annoying and can be bothersome. The biological name of Goosegrass is Eleusine Indica. Eleusine Indica is a warm season, annual non-native grass commonly found in any disturbed sites throughout Florida. Most famously known for sticking to shoes and clothes until picked off, it is considered an invasive weed that can be particularly difficult to control. It blooms annually and can only be controlled with season-long herbicide treatment. It is categorized as a low alert level due to its ability to be maintained. 

  I know what you’re thinking, why not just get rid of it? Put simply, there does not seem to be any final solution to the overgrowth of the weed Goosegrass. With that information, it can be expected that it will continue to spread and prosper in environments that it can survive.  “It is considered an invasive weed due to its vigorous growth and abundant seed production. Seeds germinate near the surface of moist soils with temperatures above 65°F (Chauhan and Johnson 2008).” (“HS1178/HS1178: Biology and management of goosegrass (Eleusine indica (L.) Gaertn.) in tomato, pepper, cucurbits, and strawberry,” n.d.) With Florida’s unique and supporting environment for growth, it is safe to assume that it will continue to spread and invade Florida’s biome. In addition, I must emphasize that it’s specific to the biomes that goosegrass can be expected to thrive in. Again, that is wet and moist lands. 
 

  While not yet possible to eliminate, it is controllable. “In plasticulture production systems, goosegrass can be controlled with the use of plastic mulches and hand pulling of small plants that emerge in the planting holes during the cropping period.” (“HS1178/HS1178: Biology and management of goosegrass (Eleusine indica (L.) Gaertn.) in tomato, pepper, cucurbits, and strawberry,” n.d.) Although the process described is not yet a process that is made easy or readily available to the public for personal overgrowth control, domestic sprays and weed control are available. With minimal effort, the inconvenience of goose grass can be minimized. I assume with further research; complete annihilation efforts will start. 

  While it is an invasive species, I do believe that it does not have a great enough negative impact on the vegetation and environment of Florida to be a pressing issue. It may stick to you but there is no evidence of it ever being fatal. I never personally experienced Goosegrass to the extent I have here in Florida. So, it does prove interesting to know it is an invasive species. However, I must say I have never lived in an environment as watery as Florida. As covered previously, it is mostly in wet and warm environments that the weed prospers.  Goosegrass appears on a long stem as flat leaves with no hairs. Again, it is a nuisance, but not enough to trigger immediate investigative research into its annihilation. My favorite part about goose grass is picking it off!  
 
 
 
 
 

Work Cited  

HS1178/HS1178: Biology and management of goosegrass (Eleusine indica (L.) Gaertn.) in tomato, pepper, cucurbits, and strawberry. (n.d.). Ask IFAS – Powered by EDIS. https://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/publication/HS1178