After finally coming out of my shell a short while ago, I was quickly faced with the reality of the world again. Although I may have been healed and eager to experience life again, that didn’t guarantee that I’d be met with a world as open, loving, and honest. I naively went into a new terrain in my life where I wasn’t closed off in closed off spaces anymore… I was open entering closed off spaces.
A person who is closed off entering spaces that are closed off (trauma-ridden hearts, places, and things) is rarely affected deeply by the weight of other things that are closed off. Plainly stated, it’s hard to be affected by the trauma of other things and people when you’re so trapped in your own trauma that you can’t even begin to try and process the indirect trauma around you. For example, someone who is jealous, vindictive, and/or self-centered will go into a nightclub and feel insecure, angry, and defensive. This is because this person is unhealed and can only see themselves. So they self doubt, sabotage, and wallow in their own misery not ever considering how the energy around them is affecting them directly.
Once you’re healed entering these spaces, if you aren’t spiritually sound and aware, you become a vessel of energy for those unhealed things to feed off of. Going back to the example, someone who is healed will enter a club with the desire to dance, make friends, and enjoy a libation. But, if they’re surrounded by people and music that is reflective of the unhealed version of themselves, it has the potential to trigger those same feelings that a person once healed from. You can feel the gaze of the insecure. You can feel the heat coming off the angry. If you don’t practice discernment or remove yourself from those environments, it’s easy for those things to re-pierce your soul and make you closed off again.
Recently, I attempted to explore relations with a man who was unhealed as a healed woman. Without going into too much detail, I gave him access, love, and positive energy. Unfortunately, because he was an unhealed man, I was met with manipulation, lies, and disarray. Although my heart was open at the inception of our relations, his callousness, coldness, and cruelty sowed doubt in me with each interaction. I began questioning my worth again, believing the lies he’d say, and even letting him borrow currency despite my own spirit advising me against it.
It wasn’t until he attempted to disparage me publicly with a lie, in an effort to tear down my public reputation to protect his, that I realized that I wasn’t as healed as I had once thought. I openly set out seeking to be loved and for a brief moment was set back into my unsure, insecure self. All because I allowed myself to be in a space where the heart was closed but mine was open.
Now in this period of Soul Retrieval, returning back home to myself after the trauma of being around the unhealed, I have to take accountability for even being in that space in the first place. I knew after our first encounter that it would never work between us. Hell, I knew before our encounter that it wasn’t going to work. But this open heart of mine wanted to love him into being healed. So, subconsciously, the tether drained me. It drained me of positive energy, self-love, and money. Unfortunately, because of money and his refusal to close the loop on an unpaid debt, I’m still being drained by his unhealed energy. Thus, why I needed to address it head on and call back my energy. A liar and a thief has no dominion in my life. The lies he spread about me publicly will crumble under the weight of his deceitfulness and I will be vindicated. His theft of my funds will not bankrupt me. The cord is cut.
The lesson I’m taking away from this experience is… Once healed, going into spaces that are full of disarray, sorrow, and trauma will only set you back on your spiritual journey. Approaching an environment or situation with an open heart in any circumstances requires strength and the ability to recognize when it’s time to walk away and step back into your power. Because staying in unhealed spaces as someone who has done their shadow work only exposes you to the shadows of those who haven’t.
– Ebony Queen
Queendom Entertainment 