Finding yourself is like the human version of the metamorphosis of a butterfly, the shedding of a snake, and the molting of a stick insect. It hurts and it takes a long time to become the best version of yourself but when it’s all said and done, it’s exactly what you were meant to do. When you’re young, you believe you are who you are and there is nothing else you could grow into. You like what you like, and you don’t like what you don’t… but as time goes on eventually you realize, time does change you.
It took me a long time to find the right avenue for my voice. With such a creative spirit inward, I feared exposing that part of myself to the world. I didn’t want to be judged by those who were committed to misunderstanding me. I didn’t want anyone attaching their own doubts and fears onto my dreams and art. I didn’t want to adhere to the standards of the industries I was trying to bud in. Now, at 30, I’m grateful for my youthful self. I was guarded and rightfully so, but now, I’m entering a new era of Ebony. It took 28 years, but I no longer fear the things I once did. I am Ebony. I am secure in who I am and know exactly where I’m going in life. If I want to fulfill the God-given purpose of my life, I must speak. I must free myself from the shackles of fear and allow GOD to put me in the positions I was meant for.
I think my fear stemmed from insecurity. My youth felt like a black abyss of endless dread. Now don’t get me wrong, I had a great childhood. My mother worked tirelessly to ensure my siblings and I had everything we could ever need. The abyss I’m referring to was in my head. I’ve always had this impending doom feeling in the back of my mind. Like, “why would it matter if I tried to pursue my dreams? We’re all going to die in the rapture soon anyway!”. Or, thinking to myself “I want to try out for the dance team in high school but maybe I am too fat and would make a fool out of myself”. As I grew older, I began to understand that this was rooted in my fears of failure. Instead of trying something new, I’d sabotage myself by talking myself down and making myself feel unworthy of big achievements. I missed out on a lot of opportunities and life that way. I don’t want to do that anymore.
Thus, why it was so important to address it here and now. As I continue to blossom into the powerhouse woman that I aspire to be, the flood gates of creativity have opened. I’m not surprised though; my success seems to be connected to how much I am willing to let my inhibitions go. As I grow, I have felt the desire to share my most personal art strengthen with the hope of connecting to the audience that relates to me. Those who are full of talent but sit quietly in the back waiting for something to ask for us to show it off. Those who want their art to be so painstakingly perfect that they become paralyzed with perfectionism and don’t ever begin. This is for us.
We have the right to take up space. We were born to express ourselves and create art that will beautify our lives and the world. With that said, as I embark on this journey of freeing myself from the shackles and sharing more of my world, I can only pray that I touch someone out there. I pray that I inspire them to chase their dreams sooner, let go of their self-doubts, and let life take its course. Our stories were written long before we touched Earth, we just have to read the book of our own life every day with faith and without fear to achieve true happiness.
Signed,
Ebony Queen 👑
Queendom Entertainment 